Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
