eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
