Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Randomize
