dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
