It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
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a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
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Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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