It's Friday. Sex?
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
