haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize