I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
