Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
