Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
