Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
