i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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