Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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