Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
