I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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