theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
