Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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