i don't like sucking hair
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
How external is "for external use only"?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Randomize
