Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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