all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Randomize
