i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
