she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
