I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
