just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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