Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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