Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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