we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
