i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
