Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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