i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
