her vagine was all disorganized.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
