Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
