We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Randomize
