Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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