The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I hate all girls vehemently.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
