yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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