The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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