Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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