I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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