Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
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