you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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