his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
