my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
