8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Randomize
