there's paper in my vomit.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
