maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
