I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
