is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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