why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
