It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
