Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
