got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
He has the fingertips of a God
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