Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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