PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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