I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize