I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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