Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
