Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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