it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
porn star boner night. come get it.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
sex in a hospital.. check
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
