It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
