I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
My nipple is on Facebook.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize
