Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
