ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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