yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
