You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
