i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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