I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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