In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
