Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
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you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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