I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
