eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
