I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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