im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
