She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Randomize
