after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Man, jail baloney is awful.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
