Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
