I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
