just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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