I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
