absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
