i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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