the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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