similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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