He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
