u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
