Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
