You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
