she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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