I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
