i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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