id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
