I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Randomize
