this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
