physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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