sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
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