You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
