Your mouth is God's brothel.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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