He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
