"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
