Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I FOUND THE LEGS
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
